SPRING 2014
40
There is a side to being transgender
that the general public don’t often see.
Transitioning or presenting yourself
to the world as anything other than
your born gender does not happen
overnight. What’s more, there is no
innate knowledge of how to dress, shave,
speak or walk. The majority of people see
‘the end product’, but there are a whole
host of stages to go through before then.
In fact, one of the biggest steps a trans
person can take is the first one out of the
front door.
Some have compared it to agoraphobia,
that feeling of panic and anxiety the
second you step out of the door. Others
find it a little easier, but still pretty
daunting. ‘Going public’ dressed as your
true gender can be a frightening step,
but one that has to be taken if living
full-time is your end goal. Fears range
from apprehension about being shouted
at in the street by youths to being called
the wrong gender by a shop assistant.
Summed up, it is a fear of not ‘passing’.
‘Steph’ has spent most of her life living as
her birth gender, but has recently taken
the first few steps outside dressed as a
woman. “To give you some idea of how
profound my feelings were, when I was
young I remember thinking Santa would
give me a dress or skirt for Christmas
because I was told ‘he knows what you
want’. I wouldn’t say I hated being a
boy, it’s just that I’d rather be a girl.”
Although as an adult she has only just
started to go out in public as a female,
Steph has been dressing at home and
building up her female wardrobe for some
time. “The first item of clothing I bought
was – no surprises here - a skirt! I think I
was 19, it was a grey knee length pleated
one that was part of a school uniform.
It was the most feminine thing that I
thought I could get that would arouse the
least suspicion from other shoppers and
the checkout operator. It was somewhat
too small, although I could wear it around
the house and imagine I was the girl I
should have been. I went on to buy a
quite a few ‘girls’ clothes before moving
Stepping
out
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