Page 41 - Fyne Times Spring 2014

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onto woman’s outfits. I see this as my
growing up period. I was lucky in that I
was thin but I did struggle with getting
tops on!”
Dressing in private can feel very
liberating, but also a great source of
anxiety when first appearing in public.
For Steph, there was a simple way round
this to begin with. “I first went out when I
was 13 or 14. I wore the female garments
under my normal clothes and took the
dog for a walk to some quiet fields where
I would ‘unveil’ and often walk for some
distance along the public footpath (roads
paths etc) before covering up again and
returning home.”
It seems to be that the biggest fear is ‘not
passing’ or being ridiculed. However, as
time goes on, these fears seem to lessen.
‘James’ has identified as a man for ten
years and describes how passing matters
less and less. “I was so frightened of
being ‘found out’ when I first went out
and I had a problem using the lower
tones of my voice. I felt I was playing
a part. But as time went on, I realised
it was not necessarily important to
pass, but important that the person I
was addressing realised I wanted to be
addressed as a male.”
James did a few things to help him feel
more confident, such as identifying the
things which gave him away and working
on them. Like many other transgender
men and women in the early stages of
transition, voice was an issue. “I did fine
until I started to talk. Then whoever
had referred to me as a male would get
flustered. I suppose I realised it was the
being flustered bit that was embarrassing
and by lowering my voice, even though
I felt a bit of a fake at first, helped give
them the clue they needed to keep
addressing me as male.”
Steph has encountered similar issues in
her first few outings as an adult. “For me
the big hurdle is actual social interaction
with a stranger such as a waiter, train
conductor, checkout cashier etc.. but with
the support of my friends I know I will
overcome these negatives. I want to be
judged as what I am and in many regards
I have a very long way to go because I am
only right at the start of a very personal
journey to being myself.”
While taking the first few steps out of the
door can be daunting, it is something that
will get easier and easier as time goes on.
Undoing the years of presenting as gender
that doesn’t feel correct can be hard to
un-do, but there are plenty of help groups
out there ready to give you advice (check
out our help groups listings in this issue)
“I was so frightened of being
‘found out’ when I first went
out and I had a problem using
the lower tones of my voice.